So, last Thursday (October 6th), I went to Ms. Betty's to pick up Mellie. The "split" door was engaged as there are several "runners" (children who will run out the door when they can) and of course Ms. Betty wants to keep everyone safe. When I arrived, Mellie was, as usual, in time-out (in a pack-and-play) and started screaming bloody murder when she saw me. Ms. Betty picked her up and handed her to me through the split door. Another parent was arriving, and I told Ms. Betty is was Alaina's dad. She told me she wanted to talk to me AFTER he left with Alaina. So, I held Mellie and chatted with Alaina's dad while we discussed which one our children was meaner to the other babies. Once he had Mellie and talked to Ms. Betty about her day, he took Alaina and left. Ms. Betty opened the door for me and let me in. I happened to have brought Mellie's most recent photo book for Ms. Betty and her assistant, Ms. CeCe to check out, so I handed it to Ms. Betty. She took it and directed me to Ms. CeCe, who speaks better English and was in the kitchen.
Before I continue, let me give you some back information. Mellie likes to pull hair. Ronnie used to "let" her pull his hair because he liked how it felt. I have asked him to stop as this behavior has become a huge problem. I don't like how it feels and I generally keep my hair pulled back at all times to decrease her access to my hair. Honestly, I'd like to cut it short again, but I'm afraid if I do I won't be able to pull it back and Mellie will have full access to my hair. Ouch! In fact, when I say "ouch!" when she pulls my hair, her usual response is to laugh. I've been told on multiple occasions that Mellie likes to pull other children's hair and that is usually the reason why she is in time-out. She has also grabbed children's hair with both hands and bounced their heads up and down. I have been very concerned about this behavior, and have spent a lot of time researching how to address negative behaviors in young toddlers. I hadn't really found anything useful.
Anyhow, Ms. CeCe tells me that Mellie pulled Alaina's hair today, and then proceeds to show me not one, but TWO locks of hair that Mellie pulled out of Alaina's head by the roots. I gasped. Mellie has so little hair (I have always suspected she likes to pull hair because she doesn't have much herself) and I couldn't imagine how upset I would be if someone did that to Mellie. Ms. CeCe told me that they decided to not tell Alaina's parents. I had mixed feelings about that. I was glad that they weren't advertising my child's bad behavior, but I also understood how upset I would be if that had happened to Mellie and I wasn't told. It's Ms. Betty's business and livelihood, so I figure it is her decision to make and I will respect that. Ms. CeCe also told me she has pulled Paisley's hair out, but not as much. This did not surprise me. The reports I hear on her hair pulling are frequently centered around Paisley. (See my blog post -- BFF or Nemesis for more on Mellie's relationship with Paisley.
Mellie was getting fussy, so I put her down to play. She had her little lunch bag that she likes to carry around, and Paisley had come over to check it out. She liked the little flower pull on the zipper, and tried to touch it, but Mellie got mad and snatched it from her. In an attempt to show Mellie how to share, I took the bag away from her and handed it to Paisley. Bad move. This made Mellie mad, and she proceeded to grab Paisley by the - you guessed it - hair. Paisley started crying (with good reason). Mellie started crying because I made her look at me while I told her that was not acceptable behavior. We left shortly after that, and I have since decided that she should not be allowed to have her beloved lunch bag at day care any longer.
I was very disturbed by this incident. So disturbed, I called her pediatrician, Dr. Scott, the following day and talked to the nurse. The nurse talked to Dr. Scott and called me back. Dr. Scott had told the nurse that it was probably "self-stimulatory" and she should be told "no" and then distracted with a toy or another activity. I shouldn't make too big a deal about it because she learns she can get attention from it, even if it is negative. I expressed puzzlement to the nurse regarding the "self-stimulatory" nature of the behavior. The nurse realized that Dr. Scott had probably misunderstood and thought Mellie was pulling her own hair. She told me she would talk to Dr. Scott again and call me back. Which she did, and Dr. Scott had, indeed misunderstood. She told me the response should be the same. However, she added that Mellie can be separated from the child for brief periods as well. I related all this information to Ms. CeCe as this behavior manifests mostly at day care.
Since Thursday, I have gotten mostly positive reports regarding Mellie's behavior. But, I don't think this is the end of the story. If anyone has any brilliant ideas or experience with this, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let me know. For the sake of Alaina and Paisley's hair.....
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